Divorce, American Style

The Daily Reckoning

Baltimore, Maryland

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

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It's all sex and lies.

Everything. The debt bubble. The real estate bubble. The trade deficit
bubble.

Why is there a $600 billion trade deficit? Because Americans want to buy
things they can't afford. Why do they buy things they can't afford? To
pretend to be richer than they are. Why do they want to be appear richer
than they are? Because it gives them higher social status. Why do they want
higher about social status? So they will have better access to the opposite
sex.

We are back in the United States after an absence of several months.
Suddenly, the roads are crowded with Hummers. Why would anyone want to drive
around in a big, awkward, ugly, expensive car when a small, cheap one would
get him where he was going just as well?

Because they want to "maximize their inclusive fitness" say scientists. They
want as many of their genes floating around the gene pool as possible. The
Hummer is like long, bright tail feathers on a bird. Or a big rack of
antlers on a deer. From a utilitarian point of view, they are worthless.
Worse than worthless, as a matter of fact. They increase the risk that
rivals and predators will notice the animal. They take energy to carry
around. And they slow the animal down, making it hard for him to maneuver in
a fight or to get away.

The huge cars are only useful, near as anyone who thinks about such matters
can figure, as conspicuous consumption; they wink to the opposite sex that
the animal is game for a little hanky-panky. If he can carry around all that
extra baggage and still survive, he must be tough. So, too, if a person can
live in a McMansion and drive a Hummer without going bankrupt, he must be a
good prospect for a date.

But it's all relative. If everybody on the block buys a Hummer and puts in a
swimming pool, the man who has those things already loses his edge. He has
to spend even more - bringing himself even closer to bankruptcy - in order
to show off. What can he do? Write poetry and put a feminist bumper sticker
on his old Hummer?

"Forget sensitivity," said a woman over dinner last night. "The man must
show that he's capable... that he's strong... that he knows what he's
doing."

"Yeah," said a divorced friend who has been studying dating strategies, "you
have to be 'the man with the plan.' You signal to the woman that you've got
it figured out... that your time is valuable... and that, if she wants to
hook up with you, she can to so, but
only on your terms. What you don't want to do is to take her out on a date
and spend a lot of money on her. You have to show that you have a lot of
money, but you don't want to give her the impression that she'll be in
charge of how it is spent. That would start the relationship off on the
wrong foot."

Women aren't stupid, of course. They know you can move into a McMansion with
no money down and no money anywhere else. They know you can lease a Hummer
and buy an Armani suit with credit cards. They try to find out if the man
really has money or not. It is the
beginning of the battle between the sexes. The man tries to deceive the
woman about his fitness for procreation. The woman tries to detect the
deception, while deceiving him - with make-up and various artifices - about
her own attractiveness. The poor man has to show more and more evidence that
he's really the one with the large rack and the bright feathers. He has to
take on more and more expensive burdens. Second and third houses... European
vacations... a home theatre... cosmetic surgery. The schmuck needs to spend,
spend, spend - or he's going to be spending his nights alone.

You might say that a "smart" woman would see her way through the foolishness
of it all and prefer a man with no desire to show off - maybe a good, solid
schoolteacher who cares about the environment and drives an old Pinto. But
if she mates with such a man, she dooms her offspring, say the scientists,
for the man is likely to father sons much like himself - men who are only
attractive to smart women. How many of them are there? Her own genes will
find fewer opportunities for reproductive success, in other words... And
what's so smart about that?

In order to spread her genes as widely as possible, a woman needs offspring,
particularly males, who are "high ranking," - that is, those who can carry
around gaudy expenses without going broke. Her best strategy is to make with
a high ranking male. Her good fortune would be to have many sons with him -
high ranking boys who would find many mates of their own. And for that she
must make herself as desirable to him as possible. This, too, begins with
deception and often ends in disappointment. She must spend much of her
time and money as though she were a candidate for public office - that is,
deceiving people about what she is. The scientists call it "impression
management." She must appear high ranking - by wearing expensive clothes
instead of cheap ones... by driving an expensive car, rather than a cheap
one... by living at an expensive address... eating in expensive
restaurants... going on expensive vacations and sporting expensive jewelry.
She must also appear as physically attractive as possible. Remember, it's
all about sex.

Meanwhile, driven by these ancient impulses to sexual reproduction... and
chauffeured by the Fed... Americans arrive at the cusp of bankruptcy.