Tim Mulligan

Well, I've spent the last four months reading about nondualism (Advaita
Vedanta). I had determined that this was my last stop in a spiritual
journey that really started when I was only nine years old and reading
about the "occult" in the public library in Springfield, New Jersey.
Since then, I've gone from Roman Catholicism, to Schopenhauer, to
Buddhism, to Taoism, to Krishnamurti, to scientistic atheism, to the
Baha'i Faith, to the Gurdjieff work, to Jung, and then, finally, to
nondualism.

I've spent hours at nondual Web sites. I've read _Consciousness Speaks_
by Ramesh Balsekar, _No Way: for the Spiritually Advanced_ by Ram Tzu
(Wayne Liquorman), _Relaxing into Clear Seeing_ by Arjuna Nick Ardagh,
_Awareness_ by Fr. Anthony de Mello, _The Perennial Philosophy_ by
Aldous Huxley, _The Life and Teachings of Joe Miller_, a bunch of
Krishnamurti stuff (again), some Meister Eckhart, _Collision with the
Infinite_ by Suzanne Segal (see my scathing review at Amazon.com). I've
come to the following, tentative conclusions.

The "Source" is the supposedly the source of all manifestation. This
"Source" is the source of the torture/mutilation murders of children.
This "Source" is the source of spinal bifida. This "Source" is the
source of migraine headaches. This "Source" was the source of Hitler
and his holocaust, as well as every other episode of genocide through
history.

In short, this "Source" is supremely indifferent to what is harmful to
us and what is not-and yes, that's from our point of view. Petty, aren't we?

I no longer pine to "realize I am the Source," or however you might
characterize it: enlightenment, divine union, etc. I've decided to be
as profoundly indifferent to this "Source" as it is to us. I am totally
apathetic about this "Source". To me, it is as practically
consequential, although perhaps as necessary, as quarks or hydrogen.
Maybe it's there. Who cares. "It" certainly doesn't.
]
So I've come to rest as a non-scientistic, apathetic agnostic. And if
anyone tells me this means I'm ripe for enlightenment, I'll scream.

Tim Mulligan