I repeat, tomorrow Thou shalt see that obedient flock who at a sign from me will hasten to heap up the hot cinders about the pile on which I shall burn Thee for coming to hinder us. For if anyone has ever deserved our fires, it is Thou. Tomorrow I shall burn Thou. I have spoken.

"When the Inquisitor ceased speaking he waited some time for his Prisoner to answer him. His silence weighed down upon him. He saw that the Prisoner had listened intently all the time, looking gently in his face and evidently not wishing to reply. The old man longed for him to say something, however bitter and terrible. But He suddenly approached the old man in silence and softly kissed him on his bloodless aged lips. That was all his answer. The old man shuddered. His lips moved. He went to the door, opened it, and said to Him: 'Go, and come no more... come not at all, never, never!' And he let Him out into the dark alleys of the town. The Prisoner went away."

"And the old man?"

"The kiss glows in his heart, but the old man adheres to his idea."

- Grand Inquisitor, F. Dostoyevsky

Gold dust is precious, but in the eye it blinds.

Real spiritual growth begins with an act of betrayal.
You drop the assumptions that govern the world around you.
Watching the world collapse, you see beauty where others see only a gaping hole.
To the rest of the world, this is a betrayal of the highest order.

When one is pretending, the entire body revolts.
- Anais Nin

I read a thousand books;
memorized algorithms, names
and concepts; traveled through all knowledge centres;
asked all wise men. Now I only have one question left
to answer: What was it all useful for?

I think every spiritual teacher should take a month out of every year to travel alone and incognito. He should interact with many people in many situations where a guru has no standing, no identity and no authority. That would be an excellent reality check and retreat.

The attacks I "learned" in Yoshinkan:

- the wrist grab with no follow-up
- the lapel grab with retarded hand position and no follow-up
- the "shotokan white belt" step-through punch
- the "what the fuck is that for" shomen uchi blade hand to the forehead
- the "looks like a haymaker, but doesn't work" yokumen uchi blade hand to the temple.
- the rear wrist-grab with no follow-up

Should I go on?

Mits

What brought everything together for me was the Brazilian Jujitsu of the Gracie family. A policeman who was one of my students told me about a new form of Jujitsu that focused on ground grappling, and my ears perked up. When I went to look at the art, Rorion Grace (who later became my teacher) introduced me to his father, Master Helio Gracie, who was then 75 years old. "Mits, this is my dad," Rorion said. "He says that he wants to wrestle you." Knowing that Helio only spoke Portuguese, I said to Rorion, "I'm stronger than he is, and I'm in great shape. Your father looks old to me." To my surprise, Rorion translated what I had said for his father - and then he translated the reply for me: "My dad says that now he really wants to wrestle you - and, if you go easy with him, he's going to hurt you." I thought, "Oh, my goodness!"

When we grappled, it was no contest. I attacked this man, who was 75 years old and weighed about 130 pounds, with everything I had, but there was nothing I could do to him! He would neutralize my attacks without breaking a sweat. He would hold me down, laugh, and talk to his son while I was struggling. If I did manage get out of a hold, he would put me in another. For 30 minutes, I was humiliated.

That convinced me that there was something to Brazilian Jujitsu. Until that moment, I thought a martial artist had to be big, strong, and quick. I thought that all the stories about 90-year-old masters defeating 20-year-old football players were just fables. But on the ground Helio Gracie would neutralize my movements without using strength - just as, in the stories, Ueshiba Sensei would neutralize his attackers' movements from a standing position. Brazilian Jujitsu, I came to see, is Aikido on the ground.

It is perilous to make a chasm in human affections; not that they gape so long and wide--but so quickly close again!

-Nathaniel Hawthorne (from 'Wakefield')

How bad could it be to let the universe just wash over you?

-John Kaminski

The great sea
Has sent me adrift

It moves me
As the weed
in a great river

Earth and the great weather
Move me

Have carried me away
And move my inward parts
with joy ...

The arch of sky
and mightiness of storms
Have moved the Spirit
within me

Till I am carried away
Trembling with joy ...

- Uvavnuk - Inuit shaman

Lose yourself,
Lose yourself in this love.
When you lose yourself in this love,
you will find everything.

Lose yourself,
Lose yourself.
Do not fear this loss,
For you will rise from the earth
and embrace the endless heavens.

Lose yourself,
Lose yourself.
Escape from this earthly form,
For this body is a chain
and you are its prisoner.

Smash through the prison wall
and walk outside with the kings and princes.

Lose yourself,
Lose yourself at the foot of the glorious King.
When you lose yourself
before the King
you will become the King.

Lose yourself,
Lose yourself.
Escape from the black cloudthat surrounds you.
Then you will see your own light
as radiant as the full moon.

Now enter that silence.
This is the surest wayto lose yourself...

What is your life about, anyway?
-Nothing but a struggle to be someone,
Nothing but a running from your own silence.

- Rumi, from In the Arms of the Beloved,

"Some people said Taiji practitioners should not do weight lifting and should not use force. This is not true. Before we learn Taijiquan, our whole bodies are stiff and our force is not flexible. Once we have learned Taijiquan, we are very relaxed, our qi circulates and we can get rid of the stiffness but keep our force. Our rigid force has become resilient force. The rigid force usually comes from the shoulders and is not controlled by the waist and manisfested through the fingers. In business term, our rigid force is our capital, and relaxation is the method we use (know-how) to run a business. If we know how to run a business, with a small capital we can still do big business. If we do not not how, then even with a big capital, we cannot run any business. Therefore, after you have learned to do Taijiquan properly, there is nothing you cannot do, be it weight-lifting, wrestling, or running. Do not let the misception to worry you."

(Dong Ying-jie: Taijiquan Shi Yi.)

On nearing the surf
every footprint becomes
that of the sea

J. W. Hackett

When Japanese people are frustrated, they become silent, very, very silent.

Aside from our small training group everyone at the seminar was coming to Systema for the first time. The participants also included a few brave masters of other martial arts who had stepped out to come and join us. It was immediately obvious from their movements who they were and Alex did a wonderful job of putting them at ease and making them truly welcome. It is difficult to explain in a few words the cultural significance in Japan of an established teacher on another martial art coming with an open mind and an empty cup to learn something entirely new as a ‘beginner’. I take my hat off to these individuals and prey that their attitude and kindness prevails amongst us all.

- Andrew Cefai (writing about Systema Tokyo seminar, Sept 2005)

Through early morning fog I see
visions of the things to be
the pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see...

That suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.

I try to find a way to make
all our little joys relate
without that ever-present hate
but now I know that it's to late, and...

Suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.

The game of life is hard to play
I'm going to lose it anyway
the losing card I'll someday lay
so this is all I have to say

That suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.

The only way to win is cheat
and lay it down before I'm beat
and to another give my seat
for that's the only painless feat

Suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.

The sword of time will pierce our skins
it doesn't hurt when it begins
but as it works its way on in
the pain grows stronger...watch it grin but...

Suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.

A brave man once requested me
to answer questions that are key
is it to be or not to be
and I replied "oh why ask me?"

'Cause suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.

...and you can do the same thing if you please.

Ki work

QZH: arm rotations
QZH: cat washes face
SYS: stick pressing
ZMQ: form (w/sokushin breathing?)
QZH: cat washes face
SYS: stick pressing
SYS: 5 min pushup top - hold
IAI: seiza sit
SYS: 10 halfway breathing pushups
QZH: cat washes face
QZH: dragon raises head

"Masochistic perseverance in the fulfillment of complex social obligations is a basic cultural trait of Japan."

Noel Burch, in a book on Japanese films

Fiery lust is not diminished by indulging it,
but by leaving it ungratified.
As long as you are laying logs on the fire,
the fire will burn.
When you withhold the wood, the fire dies,
and God carries the water.

- Rumi